Funny Jokes and Much More: Renecks, you've got to love them!

15 Things you’ll NEVER hear a redneck say

15. You can't feed that to the dog.

14. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

13. Do you think my gut is too big?
12. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

11. Honey, we don't need another dog.
10. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
9. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. The tires on that truck are too big.

7. Spitting is such a nasty habit.

6. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe

5. We don't keep firearms in this house.

4. Duct tape won't fix that.

3. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
2. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

1. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

Redneck emergency

Emily Sue was deathly sick and Billy-Bob called 911. The 911 Operator told Billy-Bob that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Billy-Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Billy-Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

This picture is called "Ultimate Redneck Airbags".

Rednecks goin to college

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked Bubba.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?"
"I sure do," answered the redneck.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."
Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN'!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of! I cain't wait to take this here logic class."
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.
"So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks.
"Math, history and logic," replies Bubba.
Cooter says, "What in tarnation is logic?"
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"
"No."
"You're a queer, ain't ya?"